On Forgiveness.

This post was originally written several years ago when the topic of forgiveness was at the forefront of my life. I thought I would share what I wrote then.

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What do you think is required for forgiveness to take place? If you need to forgive someone, does the person need to know you are forgiving them? What if you need to forgive someone for something that they don't even know they did? Do you think that in order for forgiveness to be complete it must be between you and that person or do you think that simply making a vow of forgiveness between you and God is enough?

This whole idea of forgiveness has been on my mind lately. I've learned over the last little while that forgiveness is not something that you feel, it is a pivotal choice that one must make. It is a fork in the road, a point you come to where you must decide to live with the hurt and the pain or to move on and not let it control you anymore. I have learned that forgiveness is the most freeing of choices, it allows you to let go of things that have been holding you captive and to love people that you would otherwise be bitter toward.

The other thing about forgiveness is this... you can't be proud and still forgive. You must humble yourself and realize that the issue is not about what someone has done to you, but the issue is about what is going inside your heart and that the healing begins with you, not with the person saying sorry. It's difficult to come to the point of realization that you must forgive no matter how much someone "owes" you an apology and whether or not you ever receive that apology.

I think of Jesus on the cross, asking God to forgive the men who hung Him there. That is the perfect example of forgiveness. Jesus showed us that forgiveness is not about the attitude of the one whom we are forgiving but that it begins with us.

I have come to realize that unforgiveness is not only a burden that we carry around with us day in and day out but it is also a spiritual epidemic that prevents us from worshipping God fully and prevents us from receiving the full blessings of God in our lives. If you think about it, those who refuse to forgive are the walking wounded, they live the life of a victim, rather than the life of freedom that God calls us to.

Forgiveness is something that we are taught at a young age, but it's something that very few people practice in their life. Why is that?

Just my two cents.

Time Lapse

It's been a long time since I have thought about, let alone visited this blog.

Lately I have found myself reading more and more blogs. Blogs about food, blogs about home decor, blogs about life... and I have found that its really easy to get lost in a blog. I love reading about other people's experiences, their thoughts, and getting great ideas for my own life based on recommendation from others. I find blogs a great way to get inspiration.

This had driven me to begin thinking about blogging again. I have tried blogging a few times and have given up. I think I put too much pressure on myself to blog every day and expected tons of followers and comments right away.

Anything I have read about blogging is that starting up takes time and that you can't have high expectations, not on yourself and on readership. So maybe I need to just change my expectations and start blogging for me and forget about the rest.

I think blogging will be a good way to keep track of life, to push me to try new recipes, take more photos, put my thoughts down on paper, and keep myself disciplined to write. All of the above things are goals that I would like to attain and things that hold great importance to me.

So, I am thinking I might try to blog again and just see how it goes. Take off any pressure and just do this for me as a way to reach some personal goals. I think this is the right perspective.

So, my question is: Am I the only one who loves blogs? What kinds of blogs do people like to read? What are the motivations of people starting blogs?

And most importantly,

If I blog and no one reads it, is it still valuable and worth my time?

I think so.

The Cat Is Out Of The Bag - My Secret

So, seeing that Andrew and I are getting married in less than 6 months, I have been in 'get in shape' mode since the New Year came around. I have been getting up early 2-3 times a week to go the gym before work (something I thought I would never do, but I am actually really enjoying) and have been trying to cut out some of my bad eating habits and attempting to pick up some healthier new habits.

I saw a little bit of success on the scale and in the fit of my clothes, and it was enough momentum to keep me going for a little while, but now I am feeling anything but encouraged. You see, I have a secret to share with you. Something that drives me crazy about myself and something that I wish were different about me...

I enjoy eating way too much.

I find that I spend a lot of time thinking about the good food I will be, could be or shouldn't be eating. I drive by McDonald's and sometimes the urge to pull in and get an order french fries is really strong. I think about brownies a lot. I have a love affair with peanut butter. I even keep a jar in my desk drawer. I find that when I get a craving for something, I cannot rest until I get it. And usually it's not just a taste that satisfies. I have a hard time sitting at a table or a social gathering where there are desserts around. I find my mind and eyes wandering back to those delicious sweets constantly, and I wonder if I am the only one who the food has under mind control.

I find this very embarrassing. I beat myself up about my lack of self control. I have the urge to go to the gym as soon as I swallow a food I know I shouldn't have. I sometimes wish I could have an eating do-over and rewind to the point where I made the bad food decision and undo it. I resolve every day to be better and then I find myself giving in to that piece of cake, that donut, the bowl of candies, the plate of pasta. I feel like this battle isn't just physical but psychological too.

That is my confession. There it's out in the open. It's not a secret anymore. I don't know how I feel about that.

I am a small person, standing only 5 feet tall. I have not been slim my whole life. I was never the smallest girl in my class, just average. When I hit high school and discovered the cafeteria served cookies for breakfast and panzerotti for lunch, my body began to get a bit larger. I remember a time that I couldn't go a whole week without eating McDonald's. I think I likely ate there at least twice a week, but more than likely more. I was not physically active at all, unless you count the one semester of gym class we had to take in grade nine. I remember thinking that the possibility of ever getting healthy and losing weight was impossible. I just was one of those people that couldn't do it.

But then, in 2007, I talked myself into joining the gym and I changed a lot of my eating habits. I began reading up on what a healthy lifestyle is, I began to educate myself and it fueled me to keep going. I changed the way I lived my life in little ways and I saw results. I lost 30 pounds and I felt great. Since then I have pretty much maintained my weight loss to within about 10 pounds with some fluctuation here and there. But the problem is that I have become lazy. I have maintained some of my healthy life changes, such as keeping a routine of going to the gym and cutting out cream in my coffee, but I have allowed myself to be more lenient in my diet, and in turn, it has become very difficult to say no to foods that I love but that I know are not good for me.

I still read health magazines all the time and I always check the calories on food that I buy and consume. I always am on the look out for a new healthy, tasty recipe to try, or a way to work a new good habit into my life. But the problem is, I still struggle. I need to really get myself in gear and get face this issue head on or else it's not going to get any better.

Andrew and I both want to look good on our wedding day. Not that either of us need to lose outrageous amounts of weight or that we need to drastically change our lives to achieve an unattainable result. But I know that I want to look at my wedding photos and be happy with what I see. I DO plan on hanging those pictures on the wall. It's the most important day of my life after all.

So now I plan to work my way there. I hope to work on changing the way that I think about, look at and consume food. I know it's one step at a time. And I think the first step was letting the cat out of the bag and admitting that I love bad food. Now I can move on, stop being embarrassed and start trying to change it.

Does anyone else struggle with food the way I do? What types of changes did you make in your life to live healthier? Do you have any tips to share? Please comment below. I would LOVE to hear from you!

The Day of Love

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

I haven't been able to blog as much as I would have liked this past week. I got swamped at work, and I rode the wave of a heavy work load until Friday afternoon. At that point, Andrew and I took off to go down and visit my family. We got to spend some time with my parents, and pop in on my best friend and her hubby. They are expecting in June, so it's a very exciting time for them. We also got to go to my handsome nephew's first birthday party. It was a whirlwind of balloons and family and pizza and cake and gifts. Sunday morning we got up and were headed home to go to church grocery shop and get organized for the week.

Last week I did a breakout session at a small conference for university and high school students at Huron College. The focus was Global Poverty. I hope to get a chance to share some of what I talked about with you. Perhaps a later post this week.

Today I want to talk about love. Kind of fitting as it's Valentines day after all!

I woke up this morning excited for a good day. I took extra time to look nice and came into work on a Monday morning with a smile on my face. Why? Because today is a day to be happy and thankful for all of the love in my life. Not just the love between myself and my amazingly handsome Fiance, but the love that I share with all of those important people in my life. I am thankful for a day to celebrate it!

For some people, Valentine's Day is a day to be reminded of their singleness. I had a few friends that used to call today Vomit Day because all Valentine's Day did was rub in how alone they were. The years that I was single on this day, I didn't feel that way. Sometimes it was more difficult to get through the day, but I always did enjoy a day to be thankful and to eat chocolate (What girl would deny a holiday surrounding chocolate?) I was talking to a friend today that is single and she said she loves Valentines day because it's a celebration of all kinds of love, especially God's love. I like her perspective a lot.

To me it seems like Valentine's Day has been turned into a commercial, money spending celebration and sometimes I think that all of the celebrating and gifts and gestures are simply hollow. There is too much pressure to find the right gift for the one you love and to plan the perfect outing and not enough pressure to show love all year round. I read online that the average person would spend over $100 on Valentines day. That seems so silly to me. I simply want to spend the day appreciating all the little everyday things that come along with having loved ones.

This is why Andrew and I aren't doing anything different today. I got up and went to work and Andrew called me in the morning like he does daily. He put a smile on my face and back to work we both went. Tonight will be like any other Monday Night. He will come over before small group and we will go together. Tonight is a little special because the men in our small group are making dinner for all of us when we get there, which is a nice treat that I am looking forward to. I also look forward to the great discussion with a great group of people.

Just another Monday with a few extra special touches. :)

Something that Andrew and I do for every occasion is we exchange cards or letters. I find that I look forward to this the most. He is the best writer and these words remind me of what is really important! I have a stack of all the cards and letters we have exchanged over the course of our relationship and I like to go back and re-read them occasionally. For me, words mean so much more than a fancy dinner and flowers. Besides, flowers are so much more fun to receive at other random times of the year.

Some people say that they don't need to do anything extravagant for V-day because they celebrate their love every other day of the year. I kind of agree with these people, but I do view Valentines day as a fun day to eat reasonable amounts of chocolate, to adore the flowers that are in the grocery stores and to hold on to those you love a little tighter and to tell them how much they mean to you.

What about you? What are YOU doing to celebrate (or boycott) today? Is there someone who you need to tell that you appreciate today?

Quinoa, Keen-What?

I have read about, heard about, talked with people about, and cooked with quinoa a lot more lately which has given me the idea that quinoa is the newest addition to the healthy food craze.

What is Quinoa?

Pronounced 'keen wah', Quinoa is a superfood containing a perfect balance of all eight essential amino acids. It is gluten-free and a great source of protein. Most commonly considered a grain, quinoa is actually a relative of leafy green vegetables like spinach and Swiss chard.

As you can see from the pictures above, quinoa kind of looks like couscous or a very small type of rice. It is fluffy, kind of crunchy and has a touch of a nutty flavor when cooked.

So anything that is this healthy doesn't sound like it would taste good right?

I Tried It And....

It is SO easy to prepare! Follow the directions on the back of the bag: add X amount of dry quinoa to X amount of boiling water) and simmer for 10 min and let sit covered for another 5. Fluff & Serve.

The one problem I did have with the directions was that it tells you to rinse the quinoa before cooking it. Rinsing gets rid of the natural coating called saponin that can have a bitter taste. The first time I prepared it, i tried to rinse first, but the grains are SO small even my strainer couldn't keep the seeds from falling through. So I don't rinse anymore, and to me, it tastes the same. I looked online and if you do want to rinse, maybe try a coffee filter or something that will let the water go through but won't let your quinoa through at the same time.

I have also discovered that quinoa can live in the fridge for up to a week and taste fresh. Just make sure that it is in a sealed container.

So, What Do I Do With It?

Another great thing about Quinoa is that it is SO versatile. I had it in my salad at lunch with some baby spinach, peppers, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes and a homemade lime dressing. I have made it as a salad on it's own where I made a lemon juice dressing and tossed the quinoa and then added feta cheese and veggies chopped really small, great for a summer bbq. I have used quinoa as a substitute for rice in recipes, I have made quinoa casserole, which actually turned out great.

The best thing about quinoa is that it's flavor does not overpower the foods that you serve it with, it really fills you up and a little goes a long way!

Where Do I Find Quinoa?

I had to scour the grocery store to find quinoa. I looked down the pasta aisle, down the rice aisle and even looked in the international food section, with no luck. I finally found quinoa in the health food section. It was stocked in the last aisle and was with couscous and other grains. Unfortunately there was only one brand of quinoa and it was not cheap, $5.50 for a relatively small bag. The good thing is that you don't need much to add to any recipe so I have had 3 or 4 meals from the one bag and still have more!

Overall, I am surprised that so few people know about quinoa. For those who have wheat allergies, or who are trying to eat healthier or even for the adventurous eater, quinoa is a definite try.

Who knows. You may just fall in love with it like I did. :)

A Few Food Thoughts From My Weekend

Super Bowl weekend sabataged my healthy eating plan. I can't blame it on the super bowl though, but it did provide a good excuse to have loaded nachos and breaded chicken wings last night!

I did discover a few yummy healthy things this weekend though:

• Asian Lettuce Wraps - like any other wrap, but instead of a tortilla, you wrap the filling with lettuce leaves. Had this at the superbowl celebration and was GLAD I ordered it. The filling was chicken, spring onion, carrot & veggies all cooked up with some sort of asian sauce. I think I may attempt my own version at home. I have seen lettuce at the grocery store that has big leafs just for wrapping. :)


• Oatmeal Date Muffin - I went to a cute little coffee shop on Saturday afternoon and tried one of their Oatmeal Date scones. It was delicious and I was inspired to make something a little bit more hearty and breakfast friendly. I googled an oatmeal muffin recipe and added some dates and was impressed at how filling and delicious these muffins are for breakfast. Pair with a cup of coffee (with my new love, soy milk) and some fresh grapes and you have a breaky to fuel you through til lunch!

Did all of you watch the Super Bowl? Did anyone else get tripped up by all the not-so-good-for-you, but oh-so-yummy snacks?

Let me know if you try Quinoa. I just wanted to spread the word about this amazing, versatile food!

Happy Monday!

- C

Love Languages

Discussion today in the lunch room has gotten me thinking about relationships and how people show love to one another.

Today at lunch a friend was asking me if I had read a book by Dr. Gary Chapman called 'Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married' and in fact I had just picked that book up from the library last night and read about 1/2 of the book before bed.

In this book, the author talks about how many marriages turn sour because couples go into marriage thinking that everything will be a fairy tale and that there are many myths that people believe about marriage. Some example of the things that the author 'wished he had known' are:

• There are two stages of love
• How to solve disagreements without arguing
• That being in love is not an adequate foundation for a successful marriage
• That you are marrying into a family

I ended up skimming some chapters last night and reading others in their entirety. What I liked about the book is that it was very explicit to point out that all couples have differences in many areas. I also liked that the author reviewed the Five Love Languages which is the premise for his best selling book of the same title.

For those of you who are not familiar with Gary Chapman or his book 'The Five Love Languages', let me give you a reveiw. Dr. Chapman's main idea is that we all receive and give love in different ways. Generally how we give/show love to those around us is how we would want to be loved in return. There are 5 different 'languages' of love:

• Words of Affirmation - giving and receiving encouraging words or support
• Quality Time - spending time with those we love where we have their undivided attention
• Acts of Service - doing things for those we love, ei. doing the dishes, running errands etc.
• Physical Touch - pretty self explanitory, if you don't know... ask your partner
• Giving/Receiving Gifts - big or small surpise gifts to show you care

The idea is that each person has one or a combination of the above love languages. These love languages are how they give love and how they want to be loved in return. What is more important to know is that your spouse or significant other may or may not give and receive love in the same way and that misunderstanding your partner's love language is where many disagreements begin.

For example if your love language is physical touch, that is how you give love, by holding hands, brief touches on the shoulder, hugging, kissing etc. and this is also how you want to receive love as well. But if you spouse's love language is acts of service, he or she would give love by cooking dinner, taking out the garbage, doing the grocery shopping etc. and expect to be loved in this same way. This could cause problems for a couple because one person would not feel fulfilled or loved because the other is only doing things for them and not spending any time being affectionate, while the other would feel smothered with affection and wonder why their spouse is so lazy and not helping out.

Today at lunch it was all women sitting around the table and more than a few of us mentioned that it really helped us to understand our men better and that sometimes it's hard to remember that the man in our life does not operate in the exact same way as we do.

So I was inspired to take the love languages quiz myself this afternoon and these were my results: (the higher the number beside the love language, the more important it is to me)

• 9 - Words of Affirmation
• 11 - Quality Time
• 2 - Receiving Gifts
• 5 - Acts of Service
• 3 - Physical Touch

I have to admit that I was not surprised that my top love language was quality time. I know that one on one time with Andrew is very important to me and I know that I begin to feel low when we get too busy and don't get it.

I also wasn't surprised that my secondary love language was words of affirmation. I don't know if it is just part of being a woman or what, but sometimes I just need to be told that I am doing a good job or that I look good. I find that I cling to those affirmations on bad days and that a kind word of encouragement can change my day from bad to good in a matter of seconds.

I was suprised that acts of service came in third, above physical tough and receiving gifts. I don't know why I was though, because I find that I am always thinking of ways that I can help Andrew out by cleaning up or bringing him food etc, and sometimes I get frustrated when I don't get this reciprocated as often as I would like.

I am all about being self-aware and prepared for marriage. I hope that I can convince Andrew to take this quiz so that we can compare our answers.

In the meantime, I think that knowing your own love language is a first step in the right direction and also can bring you enough grace to deal with strangers, coworkers, family members and even spouses that are built a little (or a lot) differently than you.

Check out Gary Chapman and all of his books here (http://www.garychapman.org/). You can even take the 'Five Love Languages' Assessment online.

Just something to chew on for a sunny Thursday!

- C

Snow

So I just need to share with you a funny video that I discovered today about this snowy weather and how some people really take winter weather too seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCS06rbL5hI&sns=fb

Just a little chuckle for you today.