My Poverty (and yours) Re-post from Life in Grace Blog

I like to read blogs while I eat my lunch, or when I need a minute to clear my head. It's a good way for my mind to process and think on something other than myself for a few minutes.

Today as I ate my lunch at my desk, I clicked on the link to Life in Grace blog that I have saved in my favorites. I wasn't expecting God to show up, but He did, through this blog, to me. It's what I needed to hear, what I have been struggling with, thinking about, fighting against. It's exactly how I feel sometimes, put into words.

~ ~ ~

This week we are swimming in  abundance.

I spent the weekend making all manner of preparations.   While Stevie smoked back ribs all day yesterday, the rest of us flew into a frenzy of buying and storing and cleaning and prepping and sewing and ciphering.   All this to make sure 28 people know how thankful we are to have them in our lives.

Everywhere I turn in my house, there’s excess.  I have bowls and stemware and linens and food and candles and silver, galore.

There is wealth and bounty aplenty.

Everywhere, that is, except in me.

It’s the poverty of my own heart that scares me to death.

It’s my inability to be who I was created to be.

It’s my impatience and unkindness to my children—-the lack of grace and love and joy.

It’s the tally of hurts done against me that I keep record of and file away for later use.

It’s the wretched cycle of my own  sin that makes me sick.

And when I stood at the end of this week, looking at the  trail of brokenness, that’s when I saw the beautiful paradox of want.

This poverty of spirit that plagues me is the beginning of repentance.   This is where I find Him.

When I have come to the end of my resources, to the last shred of hope in myself, that’s where He waits.

And the truth is, the sooner we discover this poverty—that we all happen to share—-the sooner we can learn to live from His wealth.

Because everything is His.

And if our hands weren’t so full of our own decaying riches, He’d show us what abundance really looks like.

It looks something like peace, joy, love, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, temperance, forgiveness.

We may be the richest (most in debt) country on earth but we live in sheer destitution.

Our lives look more like  strife, sadness, cruelty, harshness, wickedness, faithlessness, stubbornness, excess, blame.

At least mine does, if I’m honest.

And I hate my inadequacy.   I want, for all the world, to be capable and industrious—to have it all figured out, to have the perfectly coiffed life.

And you probably do too.

We don’t want to feel our need, our desperation.

So we hide, we medicate, we pretend, we run, we seek cheap relief wherever it may be found.

But at the end of the that long, scary road of our stubborn self-sufficiency and our rusty heap of riches and our swirling addictions,  He waits.

Because He is gentle and kind and faithful and full of peace and forgiveness.

He is love, incarnate.

And He became flesh to know this very pain.  He took on this desperate poverty in which we live to give us wealth untold. He is our Father.  And our inheritance cannot be measured.

And if we are wise, we will learn to thank Him for those things that remind us of our true condition:  the very circumstances that break our hearts and cause us to despair.

Those are His gift to us, to help us see clearly.

By nature, we hate the heartache which drives us to Him and keeps us begging for relief, begging for answers, begging for the scraps from His table.

But from that lack, he will give us heaven.

Let us not forget that it was in desperation that David wrote Psalm 51 and from prison that Paul wrote Ephesians and Colossians.

It’s in our poverty, not our abundance,  that He will give us His kingdom.

We don’t have to try to be poor in spirit to receive His kingdom.  We are poor in spirit and we must beg Him to show us our emptiness in order that He may fill us with the bounty from His table.

Everything is His.  And so everything is yours.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.”

~ ~ ~

I need to read this post over a few more times to let it soak in, to take in the fullness of it and think/pray about what I need to do now. 

I hope these words were an eye opener to you too. 

You can go to Life In Grace blog directly by clicking here

Rain & Be Still

I always liked the rain. It makes me want to curl up and read a book with a blanket and a cup of tea. It also makes me introspective.

The rain makes me think of this song. I figure that The Fray likely isn't singing it from the perspective of God to his children, but I like to imagine that it's so.

I hope that that this song is an encouragement to you today. Whether you are in rainy times in life or sunshine, I think this song is a great reminder that God is always for us and always there.

That's my long overdue thought for the day.

C

A Few of My Favorite Things

A couple of the bloggers that I follow do weekly or occasional posts of their favorite things found around the web. I have to admit, these are some of my favorite blog posts to read. I love to get new ideas from what others have found online and it always gives me a peek into their likes and dislikes, their world.

So I've decided that I would share with you some of the things I love from around the web.

Here goes!!! (Clink on the titles to go to the webpage that my favorite things are from)

Owl Cupcakes  Are these not just the cutest desserts ever?


No Bake Sweet Potato Cheesecakes  I love no bake, I love cheesecake, I love sweet potatoes. This dessert intrigues me.


Noble Brand Grapefruit Juice  I love grapefruit, but I hate all the effort it takes to prepare it to eat. So this juice is amazing! It's so fresh and unsweetened. I usually add almost a whole pack of splenda to a cup of juice because it's so tart!


The Curly Bob  I LOVE this look! I wish I didn't have such a round face and that my hair was more cooperative so I could pull this off!


Owl Mugs  The cutest mugs EVER! I love them, but I can't justify the price tag of $18 a piece.


Modalu London Bag  I love the structure and the COLOR! It just pops! I don't like that it's the 'Pippa Bag' (I'm not into celebrity trends) or the fact that the price is $250, but a girl can dream!


David's Tea Dragonwell Green Tea  I finally broke down and bought some loose leaf tea. I LOVE this green tea. It's smooth and tastes so authentic. I even drank this tea in place of my morning coffee this morning, that is a BIG thing!


I hope you enjoyed my favorite things!

Happy Wednesday...

C

Moving (Our New Home): Part III

We had company over to our apartment for our Small Group tonight. I purposely offered to host this week because I knew it would give me incentive to get unpacked and settled quickly instead of leaving things. I think this is the right way to go.

Last time we moved, we didn't have company for ages because it took us so long to get settled and put stuff away. Our spare room was packed from floor to ceiling until at least a month later when we finally had family coming to stay and had to find the pull out couch amid the clutter. I think knowing that you only have so much time to get something done is good, like deadlines at work. I find I get my work done way faster if I know I have a deadline to meet.

So, surprisingly enough, we had pretty much everything situated, (except for some things thrown in the spare room and the utility room), days before we have company coming. That is a good feeling. So last night I did some simple tidying and had our first official photo shoot of our new digs.

The Living Room:

View from the entryway.

Our accent wall: and the winner of the sunburst mirrors. I love the way it looks! The accent wall looks more blue in this photo, it's actually green.

The view from the hallway behind the living room. You can see the artwork we chose for above the TV and my favorite piece of furniture, the canoe bookshelf my dad and I made years ago.

Our living area is like one big room with a square storage room that separates the living from the dining area with a hallway on each side. We painted the accent walls on the separating walls.

 On the other side of the storage room is the Dining Room:

The view from the hallway. You can see our entryway door from this photo. I have plans to recover the dining room chairs to a more neutral color to match the decor.

The view from the kitchen. I love how the blue wall turned out. It looks more royal  blue in these photos, but it's actually more of an indigo color. Can you see my new owl friend? The hubs let me get one for the dining room.

Behind the dining room is a half wall that separates it from the Kitchen:  

Our humble kitchen. There is a door out to the back deck and a pantry to the left of the dishwasher.



The view from the door to the deck. We have enough room in our new kitchen to have a small table and chairs. This doubles as extra counter space too.

 

The view of the half wall that separates the Kitchen and the Dining Room

Just off the Dining Room and the Kitchen is the Master Bedroom:

The view from the door of our bedroom. Ignore the mess under the window. It's the hubs' side and he hasn't completely unpacked yet. 

View from near the TV. We painted the wall behind the bed a soft blue to lighten it up a bit and match our bedding. No artwork up (or selected yet), I hope to do this in the next month. These photos really make the room look smaller than it really is. 

We have a 'cheater' En-suite Bathroom, which means the bathroom has a door into our bedroom (for us to use) and also a door out into the hallway (for guests to use). Cheater or not, we are loving having the bathroom so close to the bedroom!
This bathroom is two and a half times bigger than the bathroom we had in our other place.


The view from the hallway door.




View from the bedroom door.

Last but not least is our lovely decks. That's right, I said deckssss, we have TWO! I didn't get any photos of the decks, but one if off of the living room and overlooks the parking area of the building and the back deck is large and has stairs going down to a green area. The back deck is off the kitchen and I find myself sitting out there a lot when the weather is nice. I can't help but admire the view!

The back deck looks out to farmers fields and a road running behind us.

 


We have a treed area behind out condo too, which is just beautiful. I have heard that you can spot deer and wild turkeys out back here.

And that, my friends, concludes the tour of our new home. I did not post photos of our spare room and our utility/laundry room as they are still, very much, a work in progress. We hope to use the spare room as a guest room and office and to have all of our storage items organized in the laundry room. That is a project for another day.

We successfully hosted our first get together in our new home and we have the Hubs' parents coming for lunch on Sunday. My parents will come to stay the weekend following. It's exciting to share this new chapter with the ones we care about. :)

C




Moving (And Decorating): Part II

I have been thinking about this blog post all day. Planning to rush home and take pictures of our new home before the sun went down so that I would have some shots to share with all of you. Please bear with the formatting of the text and the photos in this post. I can't seem to get the text to line up properly with the photos. Keep scrolling to the bottom if there is a big gap of blank space.

Before I show you photos of our new home, I have to tell you how stressed out I became when I found out we were moving and that I had a new space to decorate! I am not, by any means, decoratively inclined. I go to people's homes where they have everything coordinated and in a perfect spot and the rooms look like they are from House and Home magazine, and I drool. I wish I had the ability to know what would look good with what and to see how things could all come together.

I like to watch home design shows on HGTV and the W Network and sometimes I will be sitting there thinking to myself, 'What are the designers thinking picking that tile to go with that room?' and then it gets to the end of the show and I see the finished product and it all makes sense and everything looks like it accidentally on purpose ended up to look perfect. I just don't get it!

I knew I wanted to paint a few of the walls in our new home and definitely the dining room wall. When we viewed the condo, all of the walls were a neutral cream color or beigey brown except for the dining room which was construction fluorescent orange.



This photo doesn't even come close to showing the intensity of the orange. Let's just say, it was borderline blinding!

So, we knew that had to go and I decided to paint an accent wall in the living room and bedroom as well. Once I decided to paint, I drove myself (and the Hubs) crazy trying to figure out what colors and shade to do! I went from yellow, to red to purple to blue in the dining room, forest green to a more kelly green in the living room and had so many shades of light blue to choose from for the bedroom, it was ridiculous. For two straight weeks I visited (multiple times) several paint stores, collected copious amounts of paint swatches and talked about paint night and day without any decisions. Finally, after a trip to Home Hardware (I love that place) I settled on the colors I wanted.

Then we had to decide what kind of paint to buy. Do we prime and then paint? Do we buy the paint with the primer in it or do we just skip primer and just paint? Don't forget, I had a bright orange wall to cover! So we finally decided on a tinted primer and paint for the dining room and then just paint (with the primer in it) for the other rooms.

By the time we finally got the keys to our new place, I was pumped! We had a weekend to paint and move boxes before our big move. The painting was relatively uneventful except for a few spots on the ceiling which are an easy fix. The Hubs had never painted before, so he learned really quickly that it's hard work!




A sneak peek at the colors we chose.



The Hubs hard at work, painting the living room. I love him for it!

Once we got all of our stuff moved in and were beginning to unpack, I realized that we didn't have much to hang on our bare walls. We had a few nice pieces that we had received as a gift or as a hand me down from family, but nothing that really tied our decor (and our newly painted walls) all together.

So this weekend I went to HomeSense on a mission to find some decor. I really was looking for some sort of sunburst mirror for the living room (something I saw on one of the design shows) and a piece of art for above the TV. I ended up snapping photos of all the potentials so that I could go home and show the Hubs and get his opinion. Here were the options:

Sunburst Mirrors:




 



The Hubs said this one looked like a fish

A side note about the sunburst mirrors. I sent a pic of these mirrors to the Hubs while I was at the store and he called me right away to ask me why we would hang a mirror in the living room above the sofa if no one would be able to look at it and see their reflection. I had to explain to him that these mirror more of a decorative piece than for practical function. I thought that was really cute and funny. :)
















The art for above the TV:

I love trees!

The green is the same as the accent wall AND it was a set of two!

Right colors, but really not our tastes



And I found some new friends:

I've liked owls ever since I was a kid and we read a book about owls in school. I even got an owl necklace when we went to the science centre with school. So when I saw all these owl figurines, I fell in love! I brought the guy on the bottom home with me that trip and he now sits on my dresser. I look over at him every once in a while and smile. The Hubs doesn't understand my new love for owls and thinks I am going to become a crazy owl figurine lady. I promised him I wouldn't, but what would it hurt to have a couple more new friends?

 

So I brought all of these pictures home and the Hubs and I decided on what would fit best. We ended up going back the next day and getting the things we liked and even got a big clock for our dining room wall.

 

So which artwork did we pick? You are just going to have to wait until my next post, where I will share photos of them on our wall, to find out!

 

Yeah, that's me, keeping you hanging!

 

Check back tomorrow (or maybe Thursday) for Part III.

 

C

Moving: Part I

I feel like I am emerging from a very busy month of packing and moving into a new condo. Being on this end of the move makes me really happy! Moving is hard work and there is a lot of preparation and planning that needs to take place to get you from one home to another. It's not as simple as filling a moving truck with your things and moving on down the road!

The Hubs and I had been looking at new places to rent off and on all spring and summer, just keeping our options open for someplace bigger and with more perks. The apartment we lived in since we were married worked well for us at the time, but we (or shall we say our things and our lifestyle) were quickly outgrowing it's small size.

After having moved and getting settled into our new place (which I will share more about later), I do have a few things that I really did love about our old apartment. I loved that our living, dining rooms and kitchen were all one big great room.

Our open concept living area

Albiet, the room wasn't big enough for us, our oversized furniture, or for entertaining more than two other people, but I grew to love cooking in the kitchen while still being able to interact with others in the living room and to quickly serve a meal to the dining table (about a half turn and one step from the stove. And, we loved the kitchen of our old place. There were a lot of cupboards, tons of counter space and the appliances were great. We had a flat top stove, built in microwave, a fridge with the drawer freezer on the bottom and a nice sized dishwasher.

But, outside of the kitchen and the open concept main living area, there were many things to not love about our place, starting with the closet sized washroom with the permanently stained (before our time) bathtub. I think I braved a bath once in that tub after thoroughly bleaching the entire thing. Something I learned about apartment hunting after this experience: ALWAYS check the bathroom! The tub wasn't the only problem though, there was very little storage and room to move in that bathroom.

Owen loved drinking from the tap in our disgusting tub! Way worse in person!

Also, we were quickly running out of storage room in our old place. The bedrooms were small and the closets full. By the end, the spare room (which housed an old pull out couch for guests) was full of junk and things that we wouldn't even let people see the room when they came over.

One of our many stuffed closets. Torah, ever curious that she is, HAD to check it out!

 

Our old apartment also didn't have central air or a balcony. As avid barbeque lovers, it was hard to go through two summers without BBQ. Suffice to say our new place has outdoor space and we will more that likely getting a BBQ before spring. I am willing to brave the cold for that BBQ flavor!

So, all of that to say, we were on the hunt for a new place since the spring. But, having a list of must haves for a new place to live (central air, outdoor space, dishwasher, storage, insuite laundry, more space) we weren't in a rush to move until we found the RIGHT place. We had looked at a few apartment buildings and weren't really in love. Either there was lots of space and the layout or the building was really old and dingy or the location wasn't right or it would have been more of a lateral move instead of a move to sometime better. So, we kept looking...

One day I was looking on MLS (realtor.ca) at homes (something I like to do off and on, to dream about homes we might buy sometime down the road) and I happened to search for homes for rent. Up popped a condo in a complex that we had already looked at in the past and fell IN LOVE with but the circumstances of renting that particular place from the owner were kind of fishy and we ended up not pursuing the condo. It just so happened that this condo had just been put up for rent because the owner was having a hard time selling it (I honestly don't know why!!! Maybe because people want more than 2 bedrooms in a home?) and needed to start having some sort of income coming in because she had relocated to Toronto. We went to see it, and a few short days later, the place was ours. It really was a surreal experience because this condo was even better than we could have imagined and better than the other unit in the complex that we had seen.

Then started the waiting game. We had to give our notice at our current apartment and start making arrangements and start packing to move. I feel like it was a long wait, but we are finally here and (mostly) settled. I honestly couldn't be happier with our new home! We have been having fun finding places for things and decorating!

More on our new place and our adventures in decor to come in the next post, but here's a sneak peak of our new home!

Goals. A First Step

Part of getting back into blogging again for me was to start working on some goals that I have been mulling over for the last little while. In an effort to hold myself accountable, I decided to start blogging about some of my goals or as a means to meet some of my goals.

It's funny how lazy I can get sometimes. I like to be comfortable. I don't like to have to put much energy and effort into things but I always expect extraordinary results from my minimal effort. I know that sitting on the couch eating ice cream will not help me to be healthy or to lose weight, but I do. I know that spending hours on the couch watching tv will not give me a clean or organized home, but I do it anyway. I know that going out to eat each weekend will not help me to find new healthy recipes or try new things in the kitchen, but I do anyway. Yet, I still expect to lose weight, have a clean home and to have amazing cooking several nights a week. That doesn't make much sense now does it?

So I have decided that I really need to write my goals down, be specific and make a plan to try to attain them. This is the scary part. Its the part that I can't ignore or run away from. Once things are down, in electronic ink, I can't pretend they don't exist anymore.

So here goes.

1. I want to be healthier. This is something I have been working towards for a while, but it's so easy to get tripped up. I find this one really hard!!! Why can't cheesecake and pizza melt the pounds away?

I want to do this by losing the 15-20 pounds I have gained in the last few years. I want to get more sleep and eat more fruits and vegetables and balance meals. I will achieve this by going to the gym at least twice a week and by not allowing myself to take it easy while working out. I will buy more fruits and vegetables at the grocery store and find new recipes and ways to eat healthier foods. I will continue to not buy junk food at the store and will begin to wean myself off of some of the many indulgences I enjoy but still allow myself an occasional treat. I will make sleep a priority and not force myself to stay awake when I am really tired.

That's a big one... but there's more.

2. I will read more and watch less TV. I spend a lot of time at home alone. And what do I do most of this time? Sit on my comfy couch and watch hours and hours of TV. It's easy. I don't have to think, I don't have to move, I don't have to do anything but stare at the screen. I am not condoning this, but I am saying it's easy. But I don't want to be a couch potato. I want to be expanding my knowledge and learn new things.

I will do this by intentionally turning off the TV and finding other more productive things to do. I will buy or borrow books of interest to me, both fiction and non fiction. I will challenge myself to read 2-3 books per month. I will challenge myself to be reading books that will stretch my thinking and help me to grow. I will challenge myself to read more of my Bible.

3. I will keep a tidier, more organized house. Let's face it. Andrew and I aren't neat, in any definition of the word. I always envy those people who have the perfect home no matter what time or day you show up at their door. Their floors sparkle, their bedrooms are spotless, everything has a home and is in its home. Those people drive me crazy. HOW DO THEY DO IT?

I will tackle this challenge with baby steps. I will not leave to tomorrow something that I can do today. I will try to clean up dishes and kitchen clutter at the end of each meal or day. I will remind myself that it only take 10 minutes to vaccuum the floor. I will put things away after I use them instead of leaving them laying about. I will try to take a few minutes each day to do a general tidying.

4. I will cook more and eat out less. Let's be honest, eating out is easy and TASTY. But its definitely not cheap or good for your waistline.

I will attain this by finding new recipes online and in cookbooks and picking 1-2 each week to try. I will create a shopping list to ensure that I have all the ingredients needed. I will challenge myself to try cooking things that I have never tackled before. I will try not to get discouraged at failed recipes but learn from these attempts. I will find ways to make eating at home fun by planning a themed menu or making fun/different recipes. I will leave eating out for special occasions and for a treat.

5. I will try to spend less and save more. This is a hard one. I am sure that this is on a lot of people's goal lists. But I really DO want to try to attain this one.

I will ask myself the question, 'Is this a need or a want?' before each purchase. I will make bigger sacrifices to put money into savings. I will spend less money on eating out by finding things to make at home. I will be happy with what I have instead of longing for things I don't have. I will not go to the mall or the store when I don't have money to spend. I will budget.

6. I will go on a real vacation in the next year. Andrew and I didn't go anywhere exotic for our honeymoon (Niagara-on-the-Lake) and we told ourselves we would take a big trip for our 1 year anniversary. Money ended up being tight for our first anniversary so we stayed local (ish) and went to Chicago for two nights. Both of these trips were very memorable and fun, but I want to actually go on an airplace and fly off to someplace not closeby. I want to disconnect for 5-10 days. Go off the grid, explore.

Santorini, Greece. My dream vacation.

I will begin to save more now so that this is attainable. I will research destinations and find the right vacation for Andrew and I (if we can ever agree). I will make this a priority over smaller expenditures that I don't need. I will remind myself that the memories created when traveling will last a lifetime and will be remembered beyond the instant gratification that a new outfit or a meal out.

I could go on, but I think that six is a good number for now. I mean, these are BIG goals.

I plan to try to make small changes in my daily life to attain each of these six things. I will not expect instant change or results with minimal effort. I will try to remind myself that change takes time and that each small thing I do contributes to my goals. I will not be discouraged with set backs, I will simply try agian.

I hope to see noticeable progress towards these goals within 6 months. I think that is a reasonable time period.

Now I can't pretend like I haven't put this out there for all to see and try to convince myself that I will reach goals by sitting on the couch... is it kind of ironic that I am sitting on my comfy couch while I am type this post? :)

So, why am I making goals? Because I am more scared of what will happen if I don't. I am scared that I will stay the same and not become better. I am scared that I will become stagnant and not reach my potential. I am scare that life will pass me by and when I reach the end of my life, I will have more things that I regret not doing than I actually did.

I think God created us to have goals and to have the motivation to use the gifts we have been given. I think sometimes we have goals to attain the wrong things, but I think God will show us when we get off track when we are willing to listen.

Here's to the first step towards my goals. Wish me luck

C