The Cat Is Out Of The Bag - My Secret

So, seeing that Andrew and I are getting married in less than 6 months, I have been in 'get in shape' mode since the New Year came around. I have been getting up early 2-3 times a week to go the gym before work (something I thought I would never do, but I am actually really enjoying) and have been trying to cut out some of my bad eating habits and attempting to pick up some healthier new habits.

I saw a little bit of success on the scale and in the fit of my clothes, and it was enough momentum to keep me going for a little while, but now I am feeling anything but encouraged. You see, I have a secret to share with you. Something that drives me crazy about myself and something that I wish were different about me...

I enjoy eating way too much.

I find that I spend a lot of time thinking about the good food I will be, could be or shouldn't be eating. I drive by McDonald's and sometimes the urge to pull in and get an order french fries is really strong. I think about brownies a lot. I have a love affair with peanut butter. I even keep a jar in my desk drawer. I find that when I get a craving for something, I cannot rest until I get it. And usually it's not just a taste that satisfies. I have a hard time sitting at a table or a social gathering where there are desserts around. I find my mind and eyes wandering back to those delicious sweets constantly, and I wonder if I am the only one who the food has under mind control.

I find this very embarrassing. I beat myself up about my lack of self control. I have the urge to go to the gym as soon as I swallow a food I know I shouldn't have. I sometimes wish I could have an eating do-over and rewind to the point where I made the bad food decision and undo it. I resolve every day to be better and then I find myself giving in to that piece of cake, that donut, the bowl of candies, the plate of pasta. I feel like this battle isn't just physical but psychological too.

That is my confession. There it's out in the open. It's not a secret anymore. I don't know how I feel about that.

I am a small person, standing only 5 feet tall. I have not been slim my whole life. I was never the smallest girl in my class, just average. When I hit high school and discovered the cafeteria served cookies for breakfast and panzerotti for lunch, my body began to get a bit larger. I remember a time that I couldn't go a whole week without eating McDonald's. I think I likely ate there at least twice a week, but more than likely more. I was not physically active at all, unless you count the one semester of gym class we had to take in grade nine. I remember thinking that the possibility of ever getting healthy and losing weight was impossible. I just was one of those people that couldn't do it.

But then, in 2007, I talked myself into joining the gym and I changed a lot of my eating habits. I began reading up on what a healthy lifestyle is, I began to educate myself and it fueled me to keep going. I changed the way I lived my life in little ways and I saw results. I lost 30 pounds and I felt great. Since then I have pretty much maintained my weight loss to within about 10 pounds with some fluctuation here and there. But the problem is that I have become lazy. I have maintained some of my healthy life changes, such as keeping a routine of going to the gym and cutting out cream in my coffee, but I have allowed myself to be more lenient in my diet, and in turn, it has become very difficult to say no to foods that I love but that I know are not good for me.

I still read health magazines all the time and I always check the calories on food that I buy and consume. I always am on the look out for a new healthy, tasty recipe to try, or a way to work a new good habit into my life. But the problem is, I still struggle. I need to really get myself in gear and get face this issue head on or else it's not going to get any better.

Andrew and I both want to look good on our wedding day. Not that either of us need to lose outrageous amounts of weight or that we need to drastically change our lives to achieve an unattainable result. But I know that I want to look at my wedding photos and be happy with what I see. I DO plan on hanging those pictures on the wall. It's the most important day of my life after all.

So now I plan to work my way there. I hope to work on changing the way that I think about, look at and consume food. I know it's one step at a time. And I think the first step was letting the cat out of the bag and admitting that I love bad food. Now I can move on, stop being embarrassed and start trying to change it.

Does anyone else struggle with food the way I do? What types of changes did you make in your life to live healthier? Do you have any tips to share? Please comment below. I would LOVE to hear from you!

The Day of Love

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

I haven't been able to blog as much as I would have liked this past week. I got swamped at work, and I rode the wave of a heavy work load until Friday afternoon. At that point, Andrew and I took off to go down and visit my family. We got to spend some time with my parents, and pop in on my best friend and her hubby. They are expecting in June, so it's a very exciting time for them. We also got to go to my handsome nephew's first birthday party. It was a whirlwind of balloons and family and pizza and cake and gifts. Sunday morning we got up and were headed home to go to church grocery shop and get organized for the week.

Last week I did a breakout session at a small conference for university and high school students at Huron College. The focus was Global Poverty. I hope to get a chance to share some of what I talked about with you. Perhaps a later post this week.

Today I want to talk about love. Kind of fitting as it's Valentines day after all!

I woke up this morning excited for a good day. I took extra time to look nice and came into work on a Monday morning with a smile on my face. Why? Because today is a day to be happy and thankful for all of the love in my life. Not just the love between myself and my amazingly handsome Fiance, but the love that I share with all of those important people in my life. I am thankful for a day to celebrate it!

For some people, Valentine's Day is a day to be reminded of their singleness. I had a few friends that used to call today Vomit Day because all Valentine's Day did was rub in how alone they were. The years that I was single on this day, I didn't feel that way. Sometimes it was more difficult to get through the day, but I always did enjoy a day to be thankful and to eat chocolate (What girl would deny a holiday surrounding chocolate?) I was talking to a friend today that is single and she said she loves Valentines day because it's a celebration of all kinds of love, especially God's love. I like her perspective a lot.

To me it seems like Valentine's Day has been turned into a commercial, money spending celebration and sometimes I think that all of the celebrating and gifts and gestures are simply hollow. There is too much pressure to find the right gift for the one you love and to plan the perfect outing and not enough pressure to show love all year round. I read online that the average person would spend over $100 on Valentines day. That seems so silly to me. I simply want to spend the day appreciating all the little everyday things that come along with having loved ones.

This is why Andrew and I aren't doing anything different today. I got up and went to work and Andrew called me in the morning like he does daily. He put a smile on my face and back to work we both went. Tonight will be like any other Monday Night. He will come over before small group and we will go together. Tonight is a little special because the men in our small group are making dinner for all of us when we get there, which is a nice treat that I am looking forward to. I also look forward to the great discussion with a great group of people.

Just another Monday with a few extra special touches. :)

Something that Andrew and I do for every occasion is we exchange cards or letters. I find that I look forward to this the most. He is the best writer and these words remind me of what is really important! I have a stack of all the cards and letters we have exchanged over the course of our relationship and I like to go back and re-read them occasionally. For me, words mean so much more than a fancy dinner and flowers. Besides, flowers are so much more fun to receive at other random times of the year.

Some people say that they don't need to do anything extravagant for V-day because they celebrate their love every other day of the year. I kind of agree with these people, but I do view Valentines day as a fun day to eat reasonable amounts of chocolate, to adore the flowers that are in the grocery stores and to hold on to those you love a little tighter and to tell them how much they mean to you.

What about you? What are YOU doing to celebrate (or boycott) today? Is there someone who you need to tell that you appreciate today?

Quinoa, Keen-What?

I have read about, heard about, talked with people about, and cooked with quinoa a lot more lately which has given me the idea that quinoa is the newest addition to the healthy food craze.

What is Quinoa?

Pronounced 'keen wah', Quinoa is a superfood containing a perfect balance of all eight essential amino acids. It is gluten-free and a great source of protein. Most commonly considered a grain, quinoa is actually a relative of leafy green vegetables like spinach and Swiss chard.

As you can see from the pictures above, quinoa kind of looks like couscous or a very small type of rice. It is fluffy, kind of crunchy and has a touch of a nutty flavor when cooked.

So anything that is this healthy doesn't sound like it would taste good right?

I Tried It And....

It is SO easy to prepare! Follow the directions on the back of the bag: add X amount of dry quinoa to X amount of boiling water) and simmer for 10 min and let sit covered for another 5. Fluff & Serve.

The one problem I did have with the directions was that it tells you to rinse the quinoa before cooking it. Rinsing gets rid of the natural coating called saponin that can have a bitter taste. The first time I prepared it, i tried to rinse first, but the grains are SO small even my strainer couldn't keep the seeds from falling through. So I don't rinse anymore, and to me, it tastes the same. I looked online and if you do want to rinse, maybe try a coffee filter or something that will let the water go through but won't let your quinoa through at the same time.

I have also discovered that quinoa can live in the fridge for up to a week and taste fresh. Just make sure that it is in a sealed container.

So, What Do I Do With It?

Another great thing about Quinoa is that it is SO versatile. I had it in my salad at lunch with some baby spinach, peppers, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes and a homemade lime dressing. I have made it as a salad on it's own where I made a lemon juice dressing and tossed the quinoa and then added feta cheese and veggies chopped really small, great for a summer bbq. I have used quinoa as a substitute for rice in recipes, I have made quinoa casserole, which actually turned out great.

The best thing about quinoa is that it's flavor does not overpower the foods that you serve it with, it really fills you up and a little goes a long way!

Where Do I Find Quinoa?

I had to scour the grocery store to find quinoa. I looked down the pasta aisle, down the rice aisle and even looked in the international food section, with no luck. I finally found quinoa in the health food section. It was stocked in the last aisle and was with couscous and other grains. Unfortunately there was only one brand of quinoa and it was not cheap, $5.50 for a relatively small bag. The good thing is that you don't need much to add to any recipe so I have had 3 or 4 meals from the one bag and still have more!

Overall, I am surprised that so few people know about quinoa. For those who have wheat allergies, or who are trying to eat healthier or even for the adventurous eater, quinoa is a definite try.

Who knows. You may just fall in love with it like I did. :)

A Few Food Thoughts From My Weekend

Super Bowl weekend sabataged my healthy eating plan. I can't blame it on the super bowl though, but it did provide a good excuse to have loaded nachos and breaded chicken wings last night!

I did discover a few yummy healthy things this weekend though:

• Asian Lettuce Wraps - like any other wrap, but instead of a tortilla, you wrap the filling with lettuce leaves. Had this at the superbowl celebration and was GLAD I ordered it. The filling was chicken, spring onion, carrot & veggies all cooked up with some sort of asian sauce. I think I may attempt my own version at home. I have seen lettuce at the grocery store that has big leafs just for wrapping. :)


• Oatmeal Date Muffin - I went to a cute little coffee shop on Saturday afternoon and tried one of their Oatmeal Date scones. It was delicious and I was inspired to make something a little bit more hearty and breakfast friendly. I googled an oatmeal muffin recipe and added some dates and was impressed at how filling and delicious these muffins are for breakfast. Pair with a cup of coffee (with my new love, soy milk) and some fresh grapes and you have a breaky to fuel you through til lunch!

Did all of you watch the Super Bowl? Did anyone else get tripped up by all the not-so-good-for-you, but oh-so-yummy snacks?

Let me know if you try Quinoa. I just wanted to spread the word about this amazing, versatile food!

Happy Monday!

- C

Love Languages

Discussion today in the lunch room has gotten me thinking about relationships and how people show love to one another.

Today at lunch a friend was asking me if I had read a book by Dr. Gary Chapman called 'Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married' and in fact I had just picked that book up from the library last night and read about 1/2 of the book before bed.

In this book, the author talks about how many marriages turn sour because couples go into marriage thinking that everything will be a fairy tale and that there are many myths that people believe about marriage. Some example of the things that the author 'wished he had known' are:

• There are two stages of love
• How to solve disagreements without arguing
• That being in love is not an adequate foundation for a successful marriage
• That you are marrying into a family

I ended up skimming some chapters last night and reading others in their entirety. What I liked about the book is that it was very explicit to point out that all couples have differences in many areas. I also liked that the author reviewed the Five Love Languages which is the premise for his best selling book of the same title.

For those of you who are not familiar with Gary Chapman or his book 'The Five Love Languages', let me give you a reveiw. Dr. Chapman's main idea is that we all receive and give love in different ways. Generally how we give/show love to those around us is how we would want to be loved in return. There are 5 different 'languages' of love:

• Words of Affirmation - giving and receiving encouraging words or support
• Quality Time - spending time with those we love where we have their undivided attention
• Acts of Service - doing things for those we love, ei. doing the dishes, running errands etc.
• Physical Touch - pretty self explanitory, if you don't know... ask your partner
• Giving/Receiving Gifts - big or small surpise gifts to show you care

The idea is that each person has one or a combination of the above love languages. These love languages are how they give love and how they want to be loved in return. What is more important to know is that your spouse or significant other may or may not give and receive love in the same way and that misunderstanding your partner's love language is where many disagreements begin.

For example if your love language is physical touch, that is how you give love, by holding hands, brief touches on the shoulder, hugging, kissing etc. and this is also how you want to receive love as well. But if you spouse's love language is acts of service, he or she would give love by cooking dinner, taking out the garbage, doing the grocery shopping etc. and expect to be loved in this same way. This could cause problems for a couple because one person would not feel fulfilled or loved because the other is only doing things for them and not spending any time being affectionate, while the other would feel smothered with affection and wonder why their spouse is so lazy and not helping out.

Today at lunch it was all women sitting around the table and more than a few of us mentioned that it really helped us to understand our men better and that sometimes it's hard to remember that the man in our life does not operate in the exact same way as we do.

So I was inspired to take the love languages quiz myself this afternoon and these were my results: (the higher the number beside the love language, the more important it is to me)

• 9 - Words of Affirmation
• 11 - Quality Time
• 2 - Receiving Gifts
• 5 - Acts of Service
• 3 - Physical Touch

I have to admit that I was not surprised that my top love language was quality time. I know that one on one time with Andrew is very important to me and I know that I begin to feel low when we get too busy and don't get it.

I also wasn't surprised that my secondary love language was words of affirmation. I don't know if it is just part of being a woman or what, but sometimes I just need to be told that I am doing a good job or that I look good. I find that I cling to those affirmations on bad days and that a kind word of encouragement can change my day from bad to good in a matter of seconds.

I was suprised that acts of service came in third, above physical tough and receiving gifts. I don't know why I was though, because I find that I am always thinking of ways that I can help Andrew out by cleaning up or bringing him food etc, and sometimes I get frustrated when I don't get this reciprocated as often as I would like.

I am all about being self-aware and prepared for marriage. I hope that I can convince Andrew to take this quiz so that we can compare our answers.

In the meantime, I think that knowing your own love language is a first step in the right direction and also can bring you enough grace to deal with strangers, coworkers, family members and even spouses that are built a little (or a lot) differently than you.

Check out Gary Chapman and all of his books here (http://www.garychapman.org/). You can even take the 'Five Love Languages' Assessment online.

Just something to chew on for a sunny Thursday!

- C

Snow

So I just need to share with you a funny video that I discovered today about this snowy weather and how some people really take winter weather too seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCS06rbL5hI&sns=fb

Just a little chuckle for you today.

Caught Up

Happy Wednesday to all my readers!

I was excited to see that yesterday my blog had 19 pageviews, the highest day yet! Should I blog more about wedding stuff or what? ;)

Andrew and I went to the mall last night to get him a new cell phone because his died. How convenient. So he ended up getting a sweet Windows Phone and it really has the latest technology. And then we had some time to kill so I tried on some shoes (I am looking for some sweet heels to wear with my wedding dress. No luck, but it was still fun to look!) and we started looking at wedding bands for him (this is practical because you can't have a wedding without rings, right?) and of course the men's bands are by all the other shiny diamonds that only women would like. After looking in a few shops we had to head out and I just mentioned to Andrew about how nice it would be to have money set aside with no purpose but to just spend it frivolously on what we want. I think going to the mall reminded me of how I sometimes I struggle with not having everything I want or that I see others have. It would almost be easy to get depressed about it.

But as we talked, I realized that I was getting caught up in things that really do not matter. I was almost caught up in the lie that my life wasn't as great as everyone elses because I didn't have all of the cool gadgets or clothes or plans to go to neat places. It would be so easy to allow my self-worth to get wrapped up in how much money I have, what car I drive, how good I look etc.

But there's nothing like a little perspective to kick you in the butt and remind you how ridiculous you are being.

I was driving to work today and a song came on the radio that left me a little teary eyed. (This has happened a lot lately... I wonder if I am just more emotional in the morning or if it's because I listen to sappy country music in the mornings?). The song 'The Breath you Take' by George Strait (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHodOymqfss) really hit me between the eyes. The song talks about how life isn't about trying to win the rat race of life but about those special moments in life that really matter, like spending time with the ones you love or being there when your grandson is born.

It was from listening to this song that I realized how incredibly rich I truly am in this life. I have a great job to go to everyday with amazing coworkers, I live in a country where freedom is the norm, I have food in the cupboard, I have an amazingly supportive family who I know I can call on at anytime, I have a fiance who loves me and dotes on me all the time, I have a bright future ahead of me and I have a God who loves me and has my best interests at heart. This list makes me feel ashamed for ever feeling sorry for myself because I don't have the newest or latest gadget or amazing plans for this coming weekend.

I was having a bad day a few weeks back and so in an effort to bring myself back to reality I made a list of everything I am thankful for on my whiteboard here in the office. I have left this list up to constantly remind me for those moments when I get caught up in unimportant things again.

Am I the only one who feels like this from time to time? How do you deal with this feeling? What are you all thankful for? I would love to hear your feedback! Comment below!

Just some food for thought on a snowy day!

- C

Living in the Land of Weddings!

Andrew and I are getting married this summer. We are both very excited for our big day and to begin married life together. We have spent so many hours dreaming of our future together and what we might do or where we might live and such. Dreaming is the fun part, but sometimes it's easy to forget that you have to put a lot of work into one day (your wedding) before you get a chance to reach for those dreams!

One of the main things that surprises me about the reality of planning a wedding is that what I have decided on is really A LOT different than what I have been dreaming about for my wedding since I was a little girl. I think it's because every little girls idealizes their wedding day in their mind and then one day, when those 4 magic words come out of your man's mouth ('Will you marry me?' in case you couldn't figure out what I am talking about) reality sets in. And reality has a way of reminding you that the dress that you imagined yourself walking down the aisle costs way more than you thought or that dress does not look as good on you as you thought it would. Not that I am saying that the bride or groom needs to settle for less than what they want for their wedding, but just that reality sometimes has a way of changing your thinking. Rather than having flowers EVERYWHERE at your wedding, sometimes the idea of simple decor really begins to sound better and better when you realize what you dreamed sometimes isn't practical.

Besides the reality check, wedding planning has been mostly fun to this point and I look forward to things coming together more and more. I have to admit that not having my friends and family close by makes things difficult. I have found that I am doing a lot of planning on my own or with just Andrew and I. Despite that disappointment, being involved in the planning of our wedding is really exciting for me.

I think right now I am enjoying the fun things, pick our dresses, taste testing food, finding invitations, thinking about flowers and centrepieces, looking at wedding bands and the list goes on and on. I find myself scouring the internet for wedding blogs, advice and ideas. I find that I think about my wedding when I go to sleep at night and when I am in the shower. I find myself zoning out in the middle of conversations or in the middle of the work day to go and visit the Land of Weddings in my head!

Sometimes I have a hard time making decisions because I spend so much time in the Land of Weddings. For example, Andrew and I looked at over a hundred invitation samples together (not to mention the thousands that I looked at online in the last few months that he doesn't know about) and every time we would settle on an invitation I would change my mind and look for something else. I think it was after the 3rd time that I changed my mind that Andrew finally gave up and told me just to pick something.

I always told myself I would be a sensible bride and that I wouldn't let planning my wedding take over my life, which thankfully I have been able to keep at bay until this point, but no one warned me that along with a ring on my finger, engagement would mean that Bride Brain would set in. I find myself forgetting things more than usual, I find I lose my train of thought often, I get really opinionated about things that I never thought I would be opinionated about and that my excitement for our wedding would so overwhelm me. Some days I feel like our engagement is like being pregnant and just like a mother who is full term, I want to have the wedding here already!

Can you tell I am excited?

Another thing about planning weddings about which I WAS warned was everyone having an opinion on what you should or shouldn't do for your wedding. I swear I have never had so many people give me advice on anything in my life. Everyone has great ideas and tries to be so helpful. I never thought I would be concerned about making other people happy, but I find that I really do want to keep family and friends (whom I love very much and are very important to me)involved and happy. I have also discovered that this desire has a down fall because as with all areas of life, I cannot keep everyone happy all the time. So I am living in this constant flux of trying to plan a great wedding day that reflects both what Andrew and I want our day to be, but also to keep friends and family in the loop, involved and help them to know that I do value their opinions even if we don't decide to do what they suggest.

All in all, I have to admit that planning our wedding has been full of surprises. Some good, some not so good, but at the end of the day, I find joy in looking forward to the future and knowing that no matter what happens on the day that Andrew and I are married, that I am the luckiest girl in the world to be marrying Andrew and that I look forward to many, many years and adventures together as a couple.

Now THAT is something to be excited about!

- C